We went back and forth on email for a while and I enjoyed his prose. But the shiny new car started to lose its luster as I noticed that he became more and more verbose with his emails. Example excerpt (it's long, so you can skip through it if time is of the essence):
Me: "Did you spell my name wrong?"
Him: "I'm the professor whom the other English professors (at a LARGE college) come to when they are unsure of grammar or spelling, so I could not have misspelled your name. Nor could it have been explained as a mere typo, because that would be to imply that my fingers are less than magically dexterous, which would be patently untrue and unwise to insinuate at this tenuous stage of the getting to know one another process. Therefore, the bizarre spelling of your name in the salutation of in my last email can only be blamed on the sentience of my computer. My computer has literally evolved to the point of self-aware AI, and as the possessor of a self-aware, evolved mind, she has obviously fallen deeply and hopelessly in love with me. (Even though her name is Mac, she's most definitely a she. Our cross life-form relationship faces enough hurdles without it being a gay man-machine love (NOT that there's anything wrong with that!). She's obviously threatened by the developing connection between you and me and is afraid were I to eventually have a girlfriend that I would be spending my time with a hypothetical "fleshy one" (as she calls all us homo sapiens in her cutely condescending way) instead of tapping away at her lustrous keys well into the wee hours when we both finally drop into sleep mode. I know she dreams that one days our love will not be scorned but celebrated and legalized and that we might eventually raise little cyborgs. So she obviously misspelled your name hoping that you'd develop a disdain for what might be misconstrued as laziness, apathy, low-intelligence, or maladroitness. It may sound like some fiction but anyone who has seen 2001: A Space Odyssey or Eagle Eye knows Hollywood was right: it could happen. As Sherlock Holmes famously said: "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
So now that you know that I know how to spell Lily, on to other, equally important issues."
................
.......................oh....my.....god.........
So now I'm a bit apprehensive of meeting this man. His emails keep coming in this form and I'm starting not only to lose interest, but getting a bit creeped out by this guy.
We meet at yet another local Coffee Bean. And again, I shall summarize the meeting in pros and cons:
Pros
- He was early. Got there at 1pm for our 2pm meet.
- He realized I was a cool chick, since I liked ninjas and video games. ;)
Cons
- He was early. I mean, he was REALLY early. I guess he REALLY wanted to be there on time! Made me feel a bit uncomfortable.
- He talked about 90% of the time. And anytime I would try to say something, he would keep talking over me. So I just shut my mouth and listened.
- He really seems to go for younger women. Don't really like that. His last girlfriend would be 30 now, so that's an 11 year spread. Jeebus. And now he's going for a 14 year spread. Craddle robber!
To describes his looks, he's just an average joe for his face, but he's really, really burly. And has a huge head. Really not what I'd ever be looking for.
He was really into me. I could tell. He would get kinda nervous talking to me and I was cool as a cucumber on a hot summer day sipping on margaritas. But he really did not know how to listen. And I wasn't attracted to him AT ALL.
So now, he's going to Japan this week and gone for a good couple of weeks. And I need to let him know I ain't interested. Probably via email this time though. Jesus, good riddance. And I'm glad he doesn't know my last name. Whew!!!
My next date was one I was looking forward to. Ezra.
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