He's okay looking. But I read his profile and decide he's funny enough to meet for a date. I ask him if he'd like to meet for coffee. He then says he's not a coffee type of person, and wants to meet at a bar "for a quiet drink in the evening". Okay... fine. We meet at O'Brien's in Santa Monica.
Let's do this again in list form:
Pros
- Has a sense of humor, not really my style, not super funny, but funny enough.
- Seems to enjoy his job.
- Likes dogs and is willing to take care of them.
- Has nice piano hands. Very precise and feminine.
Cons
- Not that great looking. Am not physically attracted to him. At all.
- Keeps status dropping. "Yeah, so I'm really close to the #2 in our office and we just shoot the shit". "Yeah, I was telling the HR guy that #1, #2 and #3 all know me and say it's cool if I work from home." "Yeah, #1 trusts me a lot because I just generate revenue for him with my side business. I came in and handed him a $5,000 dollar check." Really, this is not cute.
- Thinks he's a social butterfly (and you know I fucking HATE butterflies). He talks about how awesome he is at making people fee comfortable, and engage them to open up and have fun at parties. You are too, too cool man.
- He's a talker too. Doesn't ask questions about me, or engage me in the conversation. Just keeps talking about his shit.
- Immediately tells me about past ex-girlfriend who cheated on him and was psychotic blah blah blah. Does he really need to tell me this?
- Asshole.
- Asshole.
- Asshole.
Yes, he turned out to be a major, major asshole. Throughout the evening, he kept saying things like, "We should go to Yamashiro's sometime" and I would brush it off saying, "Yeah yeah we should" and he would call me out on it. He would then say, "What's it gonna take for you to come over here? Do I need to grab your ass?" I would laugh it off because really, I do not want him to do any grabbing of the ass. So finally, at the end of the night I want to just let him know I'm not interested. So I do this frankly and honestly and tell him, "I had a really fun time with you, but I see you as more of in the friend category. I'm sorry, I just wanted to be honest with you."
ASSHOLE comes out. He then proceeds to get mad and say, "You know what your problem is? You don't know what you want. You suffer from.... or rather, I shouldn't use the word SUFFER, but you are ......blah blah blah...... blah blah blah....".
I say, "You're right, I'm still figuring out what I want. But you are entitled to your opinion of me, so that's fine."
He says, "No, this isn't an OPINION of mine."
I say, "Fine, your assessment of me."
He says, "No, this isn't an ASSSESSMENT of mine."
So now I realize he's just being combatitive. It's time to go. I tell him thank you for the drink and good luck to you. He half-laughing, mockingly says, "That is the most passive aggressive thing you've said all night. Let me give you a tip on your next date. Don't ever say that to the guy." I just look at him for a second, then said "Good night" and left. And as I drive away in my car, he texts me "Good luck". MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!
I did not rage at him. I raged at myself after I left. I let him WALK ALL OVER ME. I get so flustered when people go asshole on me, I forget to stand up for myself. Or say the right things to convey what is really going on inside my head. Maybe I was too nice. Maybe I should have just let him know after the first 20 minutes. I don't know if that actually would have alleviated the problem. Maybe I need to just do this all via email. This in person thing isn't going very well. Or, I guess it will vary per person and I have to gauge it. But boy, did I gauge wrong tonight!
Sigh. You can't win 'em all.
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