Date #29 - Noah R.

I had my misgivings about meeting him, but he knew how to use the English language so I gave it a go. Let's do this list already.

Pros

• Knows how to use the English language.
• .....nope, that' s about it. Oh, he said I was "very attractive". That's a pro, right?
• ......no, that's really it.

Cons

• Sells refrigerators. Well, works for a company that buys them wholesale. I'm not one to hate on different professions, but okay, yes, I'm going to hate. I hated, just now, just a little bit.
• Brought me 2 roses. Oh. My. God. This was our FIRST TIME MEETING. And we had only chatted online ONCE. The girl at Coffee Bean said, "AWWWW, did you bring her those?" I was mortified.
• Was too eager to tell me everything about him. Like how someone thought his voice was cool and he can do all sorts of "accents", so they asked him to record an audio book. Or how he lost 25 pounds in 2 months. Or how he has two cars, one of which was his dad's, who passed away when he was 21, and put in his will that he gave the car to him, but only found out when he passed away and saw the will, and how.... should I stop now?
• He was just too weird for me. The first thing he told me when we sat down was that he was a pirate. And showed me his pirate bracelet. And pirate necklace. And said he went to a pirate dinner show, so he's been a pirate ever since. Please, someone save me.
• Shall I continue? I'm going to stop, since I want to go to bed and already spent enough time on him.

He's not a bad guy, just fucking weird. And because I felt that he was a nice but weird guy, I gave him 1 hour and 20 minutes of my life. Goddamnit, I need to cut this shit out, back out even earlier if I can tell that this ain't going nowhere. So I wrote him an email essentially saying, you is not what i is lookin for, lates, good lucks.

I should go with my gut from now on. My gut said don't do it, but I gave him a chance. Silly Lily!

Date #28 - Noah C-Z

Yet another 26-year old. Hails from all over the place. Is a UCLA alum as a history major. Has good writing skillz.

Pros

• Got wit. But sometimes comes off a bit mean.
• Has traveled more places than I have. He's been everywhere, and has done it the way I've wanted to do it - months and months at a time.
• 6'3''.
• Sarcastic. Sometimes hard to tell if he's joking, cause I'm barely learning his style.
• Cute. I guess. Yeah, he's cute.
• Very easy to talk to. I don't need to supply conversation, the next topic just pops right up.
• Able to entertain. We played a game on the ride back home (since he had no stereo) and we each asked each other questions, but could never ask the same question back. Learned that he lived in Medeillan, Columbia for several months, bought a house, flipped it and sold it. WTF? Craziness, but gotta hand it to him, that's pretty cool.
• Has some insightful thoughts on inter-continental relationships, as he is so very well traveled.

Cons

• His humor can be a bit harsh, almost arrogant sometimes.
• He's TOO skinny. Too skinny!
• Kind of forward. When I went to use his restroom after our date (LA County Fair, don't EVER EVER GO THERE!!), he showed me his room and said, "have a seat!" on his bed. Um, felt SUPER awkward, so I stood, and then he proceeded to "flirt" with me by comparing his height sitting down on the bed with my standing height, and grabbed me by the waist to bring me closer. Um, no. Hands off the waist buddy.
• Too garish at times. He'd kind of exaggerate reactions and emotions, and although it may be acceptable for LILY to do so, he shouldn't do so. Not cute. (But cute on Lily?? Yesh! ;).

Not really feeling the chemistry, but he's not bad to talk to. He already friended me on Facebook. Oh well, he's here for a bit until I decide to unfriend him

Date #27 - Otto

26-year old that originally hails from North Carolina. Yes, he speaks some North Carolinan. He's cute and he's a geek, but I love geeks. And he sculpts toys for a living. How freaking rad is that.

We decide to do the double featurette of the Toy Story 3D movies. Not my first choice but he suggested it. 3 hours in a dark theater with potential awkwardness. Alright, bring it on. He meets me at my place so I can drive us to the Century City Mall.

Pros

• He's cute. Not hot like I fantasized, but still cute.
• He's got a good sense of humor, but it goes into remission when I'm physically near him. It only comes out via text, email or chat. He's shy.
• He's shy. It's cute and endearing.
• Even though he's shy, I can tell he really likes me. :)
• Did I mention he was 6'4''?
• He must be good with his hands since he's a sculptor, if you catch my drift... mu ha ha ha ha ha!!
• He's a true gentlemen. Wouldn't hear of me trying to pay for my movie tickets and offered to buy me concessions during the movie break. So sweet!
• He's a good person. That I can instantly tell just from meeting him.
• For funnies and laughters, he had laser lines put into the side of his head. Like how Vanilla Ice had his hair. He said nobody got the joke. But I did! :D

Cons

• He's so shy that it's painful sometimes. The pregnant pauses seem to last for hours and it makes me crazy. I can't POSSIBLY supply all the conversation points! Hopefully he will open up better next time.
• He's a bit young. 26. But I will see how this 26 year old fares.
• When he didn't hear me or didn't understand me, he says "What?" in this way that rubs me the wrong way. Dunno what it is, just feels too... harsh?

I had to have the chat with him about me dating multiple people at once. He said he was a one-girl-at-a-time man, and I respect that, but I need to do what I think is best for me. I've put all my eggs into one basket with Jeff and Chad, and I may have potentially passed on people that could have worked out better with me. So until I am sure, I am keeping my options open. I explained that to him, and he understands and says he will still come courtin'.

We have date #2 lined up this week, so we'll see how this goes!

Date #26 - Garrett

Much akin to Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals, this speedy round was Lily's Wham-Bam Meet-Em and Loose-Em edition.

He finds me via the internet and sends me an email. Super nice guy. Really generic, but very nice. Get the feeling he's a bit scared of this whole online dating thing, but whatdahell, he's kinda cute.

I am chatting with him online on a Saturday evening, me and laundry hanging out, Garrett and his towel hanging out (just got outta the shower, he claims). I bully him into meeting me for a drink in Santa Monica. Now. He stumbles a bit. Now? Yeah, now. You scared of me? Of course he can't admit he's scared of me, but he's scared of me. We meet at Busby's on Santa Monica Blvd.

Pros

• Just as I imagined, ridiculously nice.
• Just as I imagined, very scared. Or if I were to use a kinder word, shy.
• He bought me a beer. Hooray for chivalry!
• Can play some b-ball. He goes to the gym over by the Magic Johnson theater and can hang with the boys. They respect the little white boy. He can shoot 3 pointers.
• Likes to read. And write. Good. He can speak the English.

Cons

• Conversation did not floweth. It halted a bit, froze a bit, was awkward a bit, was fluid a bit. Overall, okay. And it was mostly ME of course who greased the wheels to make it run.
• Seemed really surprised when I told him I read Fight Club and Bourne Identity. I could practically see in his eyes, what? A girl who reads man-books? It wasn't really a con per se, but just thought it was weird that he thought it was weird. You dig?
• He seemed kind of boring. Like.... plain oatmeal. No cream added, no honey added, no raisins either. Just plain old oatmeal. I want an ice cream sundae, not oatmeal.
• Post-date online chatting, he suggested we cuddle. Cuddle = bodies touching = hands roaming = sex. Sigh. Comon dude, be more of a gentleman!!! (Still, the chastity belt remains on!!)

So all-in-all, he was an okay guy, but no chemistry on my end. How could you ignite a spark with oatmeal? Your flame would just fizzle.

And just like that, I blocked him on chat so I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. Sorry kiddo, don't have the patience nor the desire to make you feel better about yourself. You done fucked up. ;)

Date #25 - Paul

My first Aussie! I felt safe going on this date because he was leaving tomorrow and so there would be no pressure for follow up. I know, I'm a chicken.

Pros

• Very easy to talk to.
• "Australian biscuits! They taste great!" Australian accents are cute, how can you not like them?
• Hates Twitter.
• Hates the cold.
• Loves to travel.
• When he was describing Australia and its surrounding countries, he dismissed Tasmania saying, we don't like to talk about them. LOL. <--- The lol is not to be used lightly, which indicates the impact of this statement on lily. LOL was an appropriate way to describe her reaction.

Cons

• A bit on the skinny side.
• Lives far. Would never try a long distance thing. Evar.
• Not romantically attracted to him.

He was gonna cab it home, but I dropped him off as he was staying in Brentwood. No pressures, we said we would keep in touch and that was that. A fun evening with good conversation and a new friend across the Pacific pond.

Date #24 - Chad

This was a 3 month stint that started in May and ended in heartache. So not to dwell on too many stories, here is a list to summarize it all:

Pros

• Handsome. Very solid, good looking guy.
• Great chemistry. The mutual attraction was palpable.
• Smart. 99.9th percentile on his MCATs.
• A doctor that loves his profession and is great at it. Job satisfaction! And job stability!
• He brought out a great side in me. With him, my wit floweth. My caring knew no bounds. My OCD was put to a halt. My generosity was at its best.
• He tought me knew words. My vocabulary was expanding.
• We had a similar sense of humor. Laughter was abundant.
• I was happy.

Cons

• He was immature. He thought no girls pooped or farted. So I never pooped or farted in front of him. Or at least he thought so. ;)
• He was inexperienced with love + relationships. He didn't start dating until he was 28.
• He was extremely superficial. He spent more time on his hair than I did on mine.
• He drove a Corvette. And wanted to upgrade his car to.... another Corvette! Yay!
• He couldn't show me signs that he really cared for me. He blamed it on the fact he was emotionally devoid from his past relationships.
• He never displayed affection in public because he, in a sense, was ashamed of me. He wanted me to dress up in heels and makeup so that others would envy him. I hid behind a "mask" of natural beauty, according to Dr. Awesome. Brilliant!
• He would not try new things, experiences, places, etc.
• Had a fear of flying. Never been on an airplane, said he never would.
• Didn't have the balls to tell me he only cared for me as a friend, not a lover.

Sadly, this relationship would have hobbled along until he grew tired of the sex, or I got more sick of the situation I was in. I knew I deserved better, so despite me blindly falling for him, I had to break it off. Which is what I did.

Good riddance.

Date #23 - Daniel

This date was from back in April I believe, so bear with me as I remember the details of this particular date.

It was late on a Saturday evening. I am chatting with Daniel online. We get along great online. I have it in my head is super hot, because his pictures show him as hot. He plays guitar. He's trying to go pro with cycling. And best of all, he thinks I'm GREAT! He signed up for xyz dating website for me!

He decides to drive over from Pasadena and hang out with me on Saturday evening in my living room. And sleep over on the couch since he has a race the next morning near LAX. I'm excited. I get prettied up. And wait.

I meet him outside my apartment. My first reaction is, wow, he is skinny!

Pros

• He's cute. Not hot as I saw him to be, but very cute.
• He plays guitar. :) Sessy.
• He's a computer geek. So we can geek out together.

Cons

• He is too skinny. If my round ass sat on him, I felt like I could break him.
• His humor is a bit TOO weird. Too goofy almost.
• Doesn't make friends easily. Not that I mind that, but he doesn't have many friends, if any friends in LA. That would mean, if we were to date, I would be his one-and-only lover+friend. Ehhhhhh (that's a buzzer noise for fail).
• He felt like a brother. I don't even think I need bullet points after this one.

We have yet stayed friends, but the romance on my side fizzled after that night. How can you date someone who you have no attraction to? You cannots.